And Just Like That, They Were Gone…..

On August 25, 2021 our lives changed forever. We got the long awaited call for two children who needed a place to stay. We picked up these two children from the Christmas Box House later that day, and met the two most afraid children we have ever met in our lives. I feel the need to express my feelings about the past 6 months as a way to heal as well as write to remember our experiences. 

I can’t even begin to express my feelings on this topic. Our kiddos moved on to a wonderful adoptive home about a week ago, and I didn’t realize that I could feel so many different emotions all at the same time. 

The children had been living with us for a few months when we got word that the goal for their case was adoption. As two people who were expecting to foster multiple children before actually adopting any children, we felt overwhelmed. We discussed this topic from October on, and went back and forth with our decision daily. Sam and I fell in love with these kiddos pretty quickly and realized that they had never known a loving home like ours. We felt strongly that we were going to make sure that whatever happened would be in the best interest of the kids. Something I have learned from fostering is that sometimes it doesn’t matter what you want if it’s not in the best interest of the kids; they come first! 

When we first got the children, the 7 year old boy was very shy and hardly spoke. He acted almost invisible for at least the first week, until he started to get more comfortable with us. By October, he was running and playing with other kids on the playground. It was an incredible transformation. The girl, 10 years old, questioned everything when we first got her. She was very reluctant to show us who she really was, and even when we thought we knew the real her, we didn’t until months later. Watching her blossom and become more positive and happy was an amazing experience.

Around Christmas, we submitted plans to take the kids to Arizona and California and got approved. We were so excited to take these kids out of Utah for the first time in their lives. We had such a great adventure with them and enjoyed seeing them experience the ocean for the first time! This was a highlight of having the kiddos in our home. 

Watching them experience anything that was new to them was amazing. We saw so much growth in both of them as time went on. I can’t say that everything was easy, but it was worth it. It was worth seeing them smile. It was worth seeing them happy and loved and cared for. It was worth watching them learn and grow and become amazing young people! Learning about kids who have trauma and seeing it with your own eyes are two different things and we were not prepared for the anger and hurt it caused us seeing the children be angry and hurt. I will never forget the things that the children shared with us about their life experiences. I pray that they never have to experience anything like that again. 

As much as we felt we were giving them this amazing life, we also still felt inadequate to adopt them. With much discussion and back and forth deliberations, we decided we needed to allow them to move on to someone more qualified to give them what they needed. We had a few big reasons for not feeling ready or like the right family for the kids, and we know that allowing them to move on would be the best thing for them. 

We learned so much on this journey, and learned that we can do hard things. We learned that we can make a difference in the world. Small things are really big things. We changed the course of life for not just one, but two kiddos. We will never forget them and we will know that we can do it again. Even if just for a short time, we can make a difference. I wish all the best for our kiddos and hope that everything works out with their adoptive family. While I would love to stay in their lives to act as a mentor it doesn’t always work out that way and we have to pray that their lives are amazing and uninhibited by the adults in their lives. 

While I cannot post any photos of these kiddos, just know that they are stinking adorable. :)